i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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