porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
