4 words: hood of his car
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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