Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
