i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You have to summon your inner elephant
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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