u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
