she looked like the bat from fern gully.
this just has baby written all over it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
