matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
