I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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