She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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