Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
