can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
