Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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