Only a mothe r could love this liver
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
