remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i would punch a child for taco bell
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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