Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
