with your own penis?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
