im six kinds of drunk right now
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ketchup is God's man juice
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
