John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
