addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
someone owes me an orgasm
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
