Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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