My nipple is on Facebook.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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