Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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