I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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