I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
