how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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