Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
