Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize