In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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