I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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