Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
