I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
