made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
