Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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