dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I love having hate sex.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize