He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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