He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
