it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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