I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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