No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
