we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
