You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
