can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
