I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm like, not good at living.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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