made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
