apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize