I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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