And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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