careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
