He asked to "fluff my boner.."
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize