I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
