So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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