I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
