I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
