Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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