Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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