i would punch a child for taco bell
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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