i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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