Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
