Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
