Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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