return my video game
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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