you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
