im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
