My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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