It's just like the Real World with babies
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
