as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
