check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
