I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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