if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
