before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
