hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
