Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can't put those talents on a resume
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
