I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
