I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
