If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
