No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
A bitchslap is in order.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
