My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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