did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
