we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize