I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's rum buckets o'clock
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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