someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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