It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
