***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
