If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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