fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
