I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
