Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize