I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
