he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
this hospital has no fireball
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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