it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
