So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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