i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
