have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
