So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
