I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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