Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
