just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
