Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
