So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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