she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
