My room smells like vodka and shame
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
