glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize