i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
this just has baby written all over it
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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